Yes, I'm offically sick. That's if you noticed. Apparently Val did. Ha, but I would lk to clarify I was not turning green. I managed to buy myself a nice pounding headache, which split equally on both temples; a bloody flu, as in really, there was blood involved; and finally an earth-shattering cough. It came in a nice package I must say, and all in all it cost only 29 singapore dollars. It came with a free gift as well, a bodyful of aches.

I've missed tutorials for 2 days now. So I decided to go see the doc. He is the kindest I have ever known. I asked him for an MC today (tues) since I didn't appear for tuts, he gave me a 2 day MC and told me to rest physically and mentally. Which was unhighly for me. Even my dad asked me to try sleeping normally. I mean I sleep pretty normaly don't you think? I sleep on a bed like everyone else. Ha.

My thoughts are jumping around too much, so don't blame me for the lack of flow in this entry today. I'm dreading something and I don't know what. I don't have a passion for school anymore. I just wanna get it done and over with. Maybe it's the company or maybe it's the lack of company. This got me thinking somewhere which I never thought I would even enter.

Do I really wanna continue studying and get a degree?

Really scary thought. I feel like I'm beginning to lose myself. I don't have the drive anymore. Furthermore, someone said, "If you don't have something worth dying for, what's the point in living?"

I think I'm beginning to lose all my dreams and aspirations, then again I'm asking myself, what were they in the first place. I don't seem to remember or even know that I have one. As they say, the older you get, the more afraid you are. I'm only 19, and I feel so afraid. Afraid of changes. I dread them, I know. But I do accept them somehow, one way or another. But it seems my changes are never for the better. They seem to be for the worse. I feel my life's journey is going in the opposite direction, downhill. People are reaching to the top, the end. And I feel like I beginning the journey all over again at base camp, the start. This totally sucks. I wish someone would tell me something to let me know at least I'm leading somewhere. Not stuck on those roundabouts where if you are too afraid, you'll never cut out and keep going round and round. It seems that the more I type, the more I'm answering my own questions. But I seriously doubt my answers.

You know, sometimes I wonder. What do people think about my thoughts and entries. I know people read it but they just don't reply. I don't feel closer to any answers than I was in the beginning and I think more questions are coming up. Wish I could be ditzy like some people some times.

Gonna go rest my brain now, on doctor's orders. See ya...