dreams part one - AMBITIONS
"what would you want to be when you grow up?"
it seems all to familiar when i recall this question, seems only like yesterday to be exact. the last person who ever asked me that particular question was my primary school teacher. at different stages of my life, i wanted to be different people when i grew up.
i am in the midst of what is called growing up. i should be attaining who i want to be soon, all because of the simple fact that i am turning 20 this month. for ladies like myself, this is my prime and after it passes the big 3 0, i have lost to time and there is nothing i can do. for men, you are midway to reaching YOUR prime, so maybe you'll have slightly more time.
so have i become the people i want to be, which is impossible because some dreams conflict with each other, not being mutually exclusive. furthermore, i am only but A person, and i can only become one of the many people i wish to be. .
as a kid (namely primary school student), i answered after an occupation because that was what we were taught to associate with. DOCTOR! ASTRONAUT! LAWYER! these were the main answers. you would never hear a kid in our era saying, CEO! MARKETING MANAGER! MANAGING DIRECTOR!
that came only when we proceeded to the next important stage of our lives. money seemed to be the primary goal at that time, that is for me. money was made out to be all-powerful. then we developed emotions and we learnt "money doesn't buy happiness". it made me confused. if money was all-powerful, shouldn't i feel happy when i have tons of money. I WANT TO BE A CAREER WOMAN.
society tells me you shouldn't be a career woman, later on in life. if i became one of those career woman, i'd end up single and old without a man/woman by my side, with nothing except a lousy mindset with tons of money. i have to be a woman who is good at multi-tasking, a wonderful person at my job and a superb person to my family(happy family = loving husband + 3 children).
now after having gone thru these stages of my life, i decided i want to have a child. yes, at twenty years old. it's not going to be easy when i am 20 but it's not going to be any easier when i am 30 going 40. everything has its risks. is the health of my child comparable to lots of money?it's not stated that giving birth after 20+, the child is not going to turn out alright. some, maybe most would turn out just fine. but do i really want my child to much more highly prone to many other diseases just because i needed more years to earn money. it's hard to take care of a child when nothing is stable, financially; but isn't it harder to take care of one when you are not stable mentally and emotionally?
at 30, working myself that hard would just make me feel tired and drained out. at 20, i have felt the tiredness, the possibility of being totally drained. how can i by then, sustain that much energy to take care of another? so, now my ambition is to become a MOTHER. is it really that bad? although given at the rate i am going + society, my ambition is not going to come true. i do know however is that when i have a child, i would never ask him/her the first sentence in this entry.
however i would ask,
"what qualities do you want to have when you grow up?"
- does my question seem out of the blue? think a lil' more and if anyone is interested to know, let me know and i'll tell you why i would rather ask that question in my next entry-
"what would you want to be when you grow up?"
it seems all to familiar when i recall this question, seems only like yesterday to be exact. the last person who ever asked me that particular question was my primary school teacher. at different stages of my life, i wanted to be different people when i grew up.
i am in the midst of what is called growing up. i should be attaining who i want to be soon, all because of the simple fact that i am turning 20 this month. for ladies like myself, this is my prime and after it passes the big 3 0, i have lost to time and there is nothing i can do. for men, you are midway to reaching YOUR prime, so maybe you'll have slightly more time.
so have i become the people i want to be, which is impossible because some dreams conflict with each other, not being mutually exclusive. furthermore, i am only but A person, and i can only become one of the many people i wish to be. .
as a kid (namely primary school student), i answered after an occupation because that was what we were taught to associate with. DOCTOR! ASTRONAUT! LAWYER! these were the main answers. you would never hear a kid in our era saying, CEO! MARKETING MANAGER! MANAGING DIRECTOR!
that came only when we proceeded to the next important stage of our lives. money seemed to be the primary goal at that time, that is for me. money was made out to be all-powerful. then we developed emotions and we learnt "money doesn't buy happiness". it made me confused. if money was all-powerful, shouldn't i feel happy when i have tons of money. I WANT TO BE A CAREER WOMAN.
society tells me you shouldn't be a career woman, later on in life. if i became one of those career woman, i'd end up single and old without a man/woman by my side, with nothing except a lousy mindset with tons of money. i have to be a woman who is good at multi-tasking, a wonderful person at my job and a superb person to my family(happy family = loving husband + 3 children).
now after having gone thru these stages of my life, i decided i want to have a child. yes, at twenty years old. it's not going to be easy when i am 20 but it's not going to be any easier when i am 30 going 40. everything has its risks. is the health of my child comparable to lots of money?it's not stated that giving birth after 20+, the child is not going to turn out alright. some, maybe most would turn out just fine. but do i really want my child to much more highly prone to many other diseases just because i needed more years to earn money. it's hard to take care of a child when nothing is stable, financially; but isn't it harder to take care of one when you are not stable mentally and emotionally?
at 30, working myself that hard would just make me feel tired and drained out. at 20, i have felt the tiredness, the possibility of being totally drained. how can i by then, sustain that much energy to take care of another? so, now my ambition is to become a MOTHER. is it really that bad? although given at the rate i am going + society, my ambition is not going to come true. i do know however is that when i have a child, i would never ask him/her the first sentence in this entry.
however i would ask,
"what qualities do you want to have when you grow up?"
- does my question seem out of the blue? think a lil' more and if anyone is interested to know, let me know and i'll tell you why i would rather ask that question in my next entry-
THIS WAS WRITTEN A WEEK BACK. WITH REGARDS TO MY LAST PARAGRAPH. I REALISED THERE WILL PROBABLY BE NO NEXT ENTRY. DOUBT IT'LL DISAPPOINT ANYONE THOUGH.
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